According to Google Dictionary, a crucible is “a situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.”

I think a crucible is empowering imagery for the idea of post-traumatic growth. I first learned about post-traumatic growth from Jane McGonigal in her book, Super Better: The Power of Living Gamefully, and then I understood it better and internalized it as an aspiration through reading her twin sister Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You and How to Get Good at It.

The idea of post-traumatic growth, defined in 1995 by R. G. Tedeschi and L. G. Calhoun as “positive psychological changes experienced as a result of the struggle with trauma or highly challenging situations,” is encouraging and hopeful for me. Something good can come from the pain.

According to Jane McGonigal, “Here are the top five things that people with post-traumatic growth say: My priorities have changed. I’m not afraid to do what makes me happy. I feel closer to my friends and family. I understand myself better. I know who I really am now. I have a new sense of meaning and purpose in my life. I’m better able to focus on my goals and dreams.”

Those sound like worthy aspirations. Even if we can’t change or control the trauma or unwanted circumstances in our lives, we can decide to use the challenges as a crucible and come out the other side (or maybe even emerge from within the crucible) as a person who has grown, who understands what her priorities are, who is committed to making a positive difference, who understands that life is precious and not to be wasted.

Parenting kids of any age who are struggling with mental health and substance use may feel very much like the physical manifestation of a crucible, as a container in which metals or other substances are subjected to extreme heat to be melted and transformed. When we’re in the thick of the struggle, the pressure—the heat—is intense. It can be tempting to simply melt into an unrecognizable blob, and maybe that’s what we need to be for some time, but we have the power to choose to be transformed into something greater.

Post-traumatic growth does not negate suffering or mean that we haven’t been through something hard. It just means that we are making a courageous choice to be defined on our own terms, rather than by what has hurt us.

Does the idea of a crucible resonate with you? Does it feel empowering? How about post-traumatic growth? I’d love to know how these ideas sit with you.

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