“So what behaviour leads you towards your higher power and helps make the right use of your energy?” –Emma Newlyn

This is a great question for this week’s blog post, which discusses the third Yama, Brahmacharya. Brahmacharya has often been interpreted to prescribe celibacy. However, the literal translation is “behavior which leads to Brahman,” according to Emma Newlyn of the Ekhart Yoga Center.

According to Britannica, Brahman represents “the supreme existence or absolute reality.” Keeping this in mind, Brahmacharya can also be viewed as “right use of energy”—using our energy in a way that points us toward our higher power.

I like this interpretation, which has multiple applications in a resilient life.

Using my favorite definition of resilience, “the commitment to create meaning and purpose from pain,” “right use of energy” instructs us to spend our energy on creating, rather than berating, on nurturing rather than wallowing, on building rather than worrying, on growing rather than stagnating and on changing rather than ranting.

Are there ways that you could put your energy to more productive or constructive use?

· Do you often find yourself lost in thought spirals, ruminating about your worries? How could you redirect your energy? Borrowing from Martin Seligman’s 3 Good Things, I ask myself several times a day, “What are three things that have gone well today?” And then, “What are three things that I am looking forward to?” How could reminding yourself of these things give you a more hopeful outlook that might enable you to take constructive action?

· Are you paralyzed by fear of what might happen in the near or distant future? Something that helped me so much in this situation is working with a coach. If you are experiencing the effects of a child’s struggle with mental health and/or substance use and need help with making decisions, setting boundaries or finding resources to help your child, I recommend the coaches and other support in Hopestream Community or Partnership to End Addiction. I worked with parent coaches through both and am grateful to know that I can still reach out to my Hopestream parent coach if I need her. This coaching made a world of difference for me in times of crisis. If your fear centers more around how to live meaningfully and with resilience, despite life’s imperfections or uncertainty, I would love to help you. Click here to learn more about how we can work together.

· Do you turn to distractions, such as scrolling mindlessly on your phone or otherwise spacing out in front of screens for hours? Is there an idea or project that excites you? A dream that you have put on hold? Something that you want to create? What step can you take toward making it a reality right now, even if it is a tiny step?

· Is there some way that you may be self-medicating with food, drink, other substances, gambling, shopping, sex or something else? How could taking on a physical challenge, like a race, bike tour or strength goal make a difference for you? If redirecting yourself in this way isn’t feasible, I encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or treatment program. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a directory of resources.

· Do you succumb to all-or-nothing thinking (Because X isn’t in place, I might as well give up and do nothing.)? I have long appreciated John Wooden’s advice, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” Again, what tiny step is within the realm of possibility for you right now? It’s amazing how good it can feel to make even the smallest bit of progress toward a meaningful goal. Even if it doesn’t take you all the way to where you want to go, it will carry you farther toward your ultimate destination than if you tread water in place. This is true whether you are talking about improving your physical health or making a significant life transition.

· Is your self-talk filled with criticism and contempt? Mantras and affirmations really can make a difference. I find that they can be particularly effective when I am on my bike. Here are some to try. Feel free to customize them to find the words that will mean the most to you.

o “I am doing the best I can.”

o “I am enough.”

o “I am a loving parent/partner/daughter/son/friend.”

o “I have learned so much.”

Brahmacharya, right use of energy, aligns very well with the mission of PenPedalPose, which is to help parents and caregivers whose hopes, dreams and plans have been upended by a child’s mental health and substance use struggles take their lives off pause to start living with meaning and purpose now, even if there are things they wish they could control and change but can’t.

How can I help you?