Caring for someone with mental (or physical) health and substance use struggles is a constant lesson in Aparigraha, the final Yama, which we are discussing this week. Aparigraha translates to “non-greed,” “non-hoarding” or “non-attachment.”

The final translation, non-attachment, is the one that feels most relevant to everyday life.

For any of us who have been on the caregiving journey for any length of time, non-attachment is a difficult-to-learn, but critical-for-survival practice. No matter what we do, we can’t directly change or control our loved one’s decisions or trajectory.

That doesn’t mean that we can’t do anything, though.

We can control our own actions, words and thoughts.

Our choices can make our own lives better and may inspire or encourage those we are trying to help.

That’s why I founded PenPedalPose. I knew that I had to create meaning from the suffering and struggle. I had to take action to put something positive out into the world. Making that promise helped me to preserve through the darkest moments.

Aparigraha can be tough. Since we can’t control the outcome of so many circumstances in our lives, it’s easy to become paralyzed into non-action. What if I publish this blog post, and no one reads it? What if I post my yoga video, and everyone thinks it’s terrible? What if I try a new way of communicating with my child, and it doesn’t make him stop using substances right away?

If we are attached to the outcome, which is beyond our control, we may never act.

If we never act, the world misses out on what we have to offer.

All we can do is put it out there, try our best and adjust when necessary.

Our actions may result in the outcome we desire.

Or they may not.

Action will make a difference to us, though. I grow and learn with every blog post I write. Publishing them requires letting go of whether or not anyone reads them or finds meaning in them.

Aparigraha requires bravery.

Whether starting a creative project, forging a new connection or putting something meaningful to us out into the world, there are unknowns.

We are called to practice Aparigraha, releasing the need to control the outcome of our actions and of situations in our lives so that we are brave enough to put our efforts out into the world and so that we have the strength carry on through difficulty.

Are there aspects of life where attachment to outcome is getting in the way of your well-being?

Is there a creative action that you have been wanting to take, but you are stuck in a loop of rehashing, researching and perfecting because the outcome is so important to you?

Could releasing the need to control the outcome allow you to experiment with an innovative solution with your child or with some other challenge in your life?

Non-attachment is hard. And it is a lesson that life teaches us over and over again. It’s only human to want to control the outcome in situations that matter to us, but it is often letting go of our need to control the outcome that gives us the freedom to be more creative or to take the chance that attachment keeps us from taking.

There is freedom in Aparigraha.

What support do you need to practice Aparigraha in an area of life that matters to you? How can I help?

Read the whole Yama series here.